My Blog

When the whole world is slowly coming to a halt, when the factories are beginning to shut down, when people from even large international organization are not spared from being lay off…it brings little cheer to the common taxpayers as time goes on.

Yes – the mother of all economic depression is coming – albeit slowly in some countries, hit with a band in some, and still heavily cushioned in some lucky folks.

We all complain that inflation is rising on a steep rate just barely 4 months ago. Then before the turn of 2008/9, we were “saved” by falling crude oil prices. Inflation was slowed down and we bask in the temporary comfort.

But we never guessed that this little sunshine soon came about as a heat wave that will struck all around. Malaysia have begun to feel the pinch early this year. Multinational companies start sending back expatriates. Overtime, increment and bonus was frozen. Factories which cannot survive the crisis soon shutting down for holidays - on a longer period. Workers were told to take longer leaves and paid on a daily basis. With the rising costs of living – the effect from last year’s destruction could not be reversed.

But the only good thing about the recession is that parents get to stay home more often. Since they are no longer needed at work during weekends, the precious family time could be restored. We may not be cashing in the big bucks but we are certainly cashing in on family love and care.

Its so unfair….Life as a girl is so unfair.

We don’t get as much freedom as the guys and yet we need to suffer double of their predicament. Why is living as a girl so confined?

Ugh - I should have done what I thought before….20k, couple of hours through the border and I wake up with all the freedom that I can ever imagine X)

Let’s face it, a girl - especially being one who is born in an extremely conservative environment can never experience life as others see it. No hiking, no foul mouth language, no holidays without proper “supervision”…ARGH!!! And I thought that being over the teenage years could get me a little further…well I got that little right. Damn! I should’ve applied for that overseas or outstation job when I had the chance!

A confined bird cannot sing its tune to the best - live free and let free…Its now or never. Let the rebellion run wild!! >.

I have a bad habit of slashing off the days from the calender. As each day pass, my trusty red marker will swipe a bright red X…Without realising, I have been working for almost a year now. A year as an enginner?

Frankly I feel nothing near of an engineer. But I do realise one thing…life as an employee is everything but cool - its so much more stressful than a student! If I were to plot it on a graph - it would look like a sinusoidal one. Sometimes I would sitting down with nothing techky…at times, you can see me walking everywhere! That is after i changed company.

I landed myself a job right after I graduate - and I do mean RIGHT after! (it is actually the following week with NO holidays!) Geared up to the max. and still hopping about after the long battle alone in the field, I was ready for action…I thought! Hungry for knowledge and so-called engineering work, I was instead “starved”…I was instructed to do “house-keeping” jobs, i.e. validation and development works. I had no choice but to oblige since I was sitting at the bottom rung. Enough! I need an outlet…Two days off from work - I stormed back to uni to find my true path…where was i to go?

The week before I actually attended an interview. With high hopes that I could do and learn more at the new arena, I signed up for it without thinking. Everything else was less than what I was enjoying at the moment - alas, ppl do view me as a fool…and that really does break my confidence once in a while - naturally, I am still made of flesh and bones…

Counting the days down, 2009 finally arrived with the greatest shock anyone could find…crude oil price dipped all time low…at a time like this, I took a gamble and left my comfort zone.

With less to spend and less to enjoy - anyone could’ve sulk, But for a person who’s been put in cold storage for so long, money was the least of my worries - at least for now…thank goodness! But I can’t hold on to this cushion for too long…25 - sounds so big but I still feel small. Its hard, its difficult, its nothing easy - but we all have to…GROW UP!!

All I can is that being a Liberated, Independent and Modern lady, especially in today’s standard is NOT a smooth ride…more so when you gotta battle ITP and hyperthyroidism at the same time…well, you can start by slashing off the days on your calender - that’d be a good start! ^^

Ohh…finally Friendster’s blog is working…after soooooooo many years!! *ahem*, still remember the time when we used to have MCQs in school…when life was so simple and easy…when the answer is simple option A means option A…no questions about it….at a time when black means black and white means white….ah~~~ the simple life…

but then after a while the simple life that we were so used to became a little fuzzy as we grow older…we were introduced into something called subjective questions…i remember all my friends moaning and begging the teacher to at least change the monthly test to MCQs so at least even if we don’t know the answer we can just “tembak”~~”the shooting method” (now who does that remind me of?)

as students we were so content of living in the MCQ life…but did it ever to us that we actually live in a life of subjectivity? i remember my science teacher back in form 3 used to say “why do you all like MCQ? if u’re wrong, then u’re wrong…can’t do anything about it…BUT if u’re in a subjective question, then la la la~betul!!!”

i couldn’t understand then…but i know it too well now…it just means to say that in a subjective life…nothing is right and nothing is wrong…there’s so much grey out there…then why teach us black and white in school when all we see in reality is just grey?

“no one is right or wrong, they just fight for what they believe in”….if that is true, then why does this clouded vision of mine do not go away? i can’t see the difference between right and wrong now…what was there might not be there…i wish for just one time in my life i can distinguish the black from the grey - only once…

Another chapter of life completed…this is the moment we have all been craving for. Everyday I wake up wishing this day would come faster. Now when its finally arrived I should feel the utmost happiness but instead I feel emptiness. I lost a direction in life. Where do I go from here?

The goal I used to chase is lost now. Wandering around aimlessly, thinking back…how did I end up in Nottingham?

Many things have happened. Lots of crazy shit; I even shed blood and tears… Sometimes I doubt myself, where did I find so much courage to stand up again after every battle? I guess I’m just a stubborn mule who refuses to give up – too much integral action!

Growing up in uni is stressful but seriously I learnt a lot and I don’t mind doing it again. The only thing I regret most is that I didn’t spent much time knowing my friends around me. But I’m glad I got the chance before I left. ITP has taught me a great deal, but the biggest lesson of my life came from my friends, especially the BTX gang – Alan n Basit. Thx 4 d flowers man n life lessons s well.

All praises 4 d BTX group, no rain or laptop thief or ITP can stop us from being the champs! In fact isn’t every one of us a champion? U wouldn’t be reading this if u didn’t defeat a million other "candidates" way back a long time ago…

Now as I walk along this lonely path, I brave myself 2 look up d road before me. The road 2 recovery is lined with bloody pebbles, makes it even more painful 2 walk alone now. Sometimes I wonder can this sunflower survive d harsh weather?

Many times I stop n stare at my bruises…is it worth it? Thoughts of giving up often flash through my mind. As I fall 2 d ground n cry myself helplessly, is there no one in this world who can resonate with me? Where is the person who share d same frequency s me…my radar is blurred n my gps is jammed…there is unstable oscillation…d vessel is overpressured…I need a relief valve now!!!…but d rupture disk broke prematurely…

What can I do besides collecting d pieces n assessing d damage..it was my fault for not preparing a ERP earlier…sigh!

Anyway Chapter zero has come n gone…but before I turn over to chapter one…I say aloud “sir, its not chapter zero, its chapter “O” for completeness because my life is complete now…”

Being such an idiot at IT…ugh I took such a long time finding the link to upload a blog…how gagal! =D anyways this blind mouse always finds her way…albeit longer than usual.

Oh great! I just completed what is possible the last paper of my life..though I am suppose to feel good but somehow there’s this big pile of shit still stuck in my throat..called reformate splitter!! ugh if not for that damned ITP i’d be celebrated like a mad donkey now drinking myself silly…but yet when d whole world is merdekaing i am at home hugging my stupid column…sigh yup me n my stupid column singing 1/2 of independence…

i wanna break free s well!! wonder how it feels..will i be walking on sunshine? or a pile of shit? damn, i swear a lot nowadays..or is this the true me? whose fault is it? is it d cow? but then man it feels sooo good being myself..this is who i am..never again in my life shall i change myself for anyone..either u like me or leave me…i m a crude n unrefined lady..like the oil u just dug up from mother earth..only those who knows their true beauty knows how to appreciate it..alas, is there no one who can c with a heart? oh fuck it…let’s just carry out sarah’s legacy!

anyways…Such a long and dusty road…makes it even harder travelling alone…but I said to myself…I ain’t gonna be a morning glory anymore…no matter how hard d road is..i will try my best to be a sunflower…

bunch of crap…but d ppl who know me can interpret this da vinci code… =P

exactly 2 weeks before i m 100% independent. i am sooo gonna try day "controversial" beer…

After being back from the dead, I realise that there are many things in life which are more important than work and money. Previously I was self centered and a pure workaholic. I don’t even care if I eat or sleep right. Then I was diagnosed with ITP and had to spend 12 days of Hell in the hospital at the most inauspicisous time of the year…But then I am indeed to be blessed with many great and wonderful friends and family members. Thank you all for taking the time to support me during my most difficult times in life. I have never before felt so fragile and useless. I went for a bone marrow test, sat in a wheel chair, unable to get down from the bed, needs to be fed and have needles poked everywhere on my body…even lying on the bed is painful for me. After that close shave with Hell, I now know how to be a better person and love myself more. Now its less work and more rest…guess I have been pushing myself too hard. I don’t know when the devils will come to claim my life again but when he comes…I shall fight for my life. Because I know if I die, many whom I love will cry =)